Wondering Where To Go

This has been an unusually difficult week. The normal routine has been turned upside down and the occasions for dealing with mundane issues have been replaced with the surreal. Homicides and drug addiction have taken center stage. There wasn’t any class for this in seminary! The feelings of inadequacy can be overwhelming when others are depending on you to help them get through. I have tried to rely upon one of the basic principles of ministry – presence is far more important than words. I have been searching high and low for the right words to provide comfort in the midst of overwhelming grief and pain. I haven’t found them. I have been looking for examples of hope in the midst of tragedy. It hasn’t been discovered at this point. All of the standard clichés come to mind, but they sound shallow when life has been ripped apart and when people have their world shattered by those things that you read about but never expect them to happen within your family – to your friends. I guess there is really only one place for me to go and it doesn’t involve travel. It is that journey to my knees. It is that journey to visit the one that truly understands the pain of having your child experience the worst life has to offer. It is a journey to the top of the mountain without ever having to leave the comfort of my home. It is the journey that takes no time and yet lasts an eternity. I think I know where I need to go!

Where Have You Been?

Well, it seems I have checked out for the last couple of months! It’s a funny thing that happens when we become preoccupied with other matters. I was dealing with a minor issue. I had requested to be relocated and was told there wasn’t anywhere for me to go. So, the last couple of months have been spent recalculating, focusing on renewal, and making plans to stay where I am for a long time to come. It’s interesting how our circumstances can drastically change our mindset. When I thought I would be moving, I mentally checked out! Oh yea, I was going through the motions, but I was pondering the possibilities for my future in different locations. Where would I go, what would be the focus of my ministry, and how would I adjust? All good questions, but I overlooked the obvious – I didn’t expect a “no where” response.
Now, my mind is racing once again, but in a totally different direction. How do I find the new energy, how do I implement the needed programming to move forward, how do I convince others that now I really do want to be exactly where I am? I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker today that I believe reflects where I am. The “nowhere” response really needs to become the “ now here” answer. I really think it is time for me to start listening to my own sermons. “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude!” Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like where I have been, it just that I need to change the way I have been dealing with my work. I need to change the things that I can change and I need to change my attitude toward those things I can’t. This has been a long journey that has resulted in bringing back to the same place where I have been. And I am glad to say I am “now here”. Where have you been?

What's Next?

The subtlety of movement in life is a thing of beauty. Just when you believe that you have a handle on where you are going and what will happen next, life brings you unexpected turns. I am just now beginning to fully understand that the more I think I have life figured out, the more I realize I don't have a clue.

When I graduated from college, started what I thought was the pursuit of a career, and got married, I thought I had a clear vision of what was to come next. I couldn't have been more misguided. Ever since the first significant twist in my life, I have come to realize that life is full of winding roads that connect in a mysterious pattern that may be visible from space, but continue to leave me with a sense of following roads less traveled. The answer to one of the trivia questions on "Cash Cab", the unique Discovery Channel game show that takes place in a taxi cab in New York City, was that the logo painted on the roofs of buildings that can be identified from space is the Target logo. After I heard the answer, I realized that from the road I am traveling, I never see the image on the roofs of those buildings I pass by. From heaven, it is all visible.

I believe that my life follows a similar pattern. The road that I am traveling seems isolated and remote, and yet from heaven, it is all very clear. So, while I am waiting to see what the next turn in the road brings, with a different view, it is all very clear. Oh that I might know what is next!

Waiting

Patience is a virtue, or so they say. I used to pray for patience until it dawned on me that the only way to develop patience is to be put in a position of waiting. I'm not very good at waiting. Lately it seems that my entire life has been put on hold while I wait for others to make decisions. What is so hard about making a decision and then living with the decision you have made? I encounter a lot of folks who don't want to make decisions. It seems that they are afraid that their entire existence will be eternally altered by making the wrong decision, like where to eat lunch. What is so bad about making a bad decision and then adapting afterwards? I have made plenty of bad decisions in my life, but you adjust and move on.

Sometimes the decisions are delayed by "the process". Right now I am waiting to hear from immigration - a decision that was supposed to be made in two weeks - we now find ourselves without any response for the last four weeks. I am waiting to hear from my supervisor about the possibility of moving. I am waiting to hear from family members concerning their future. I wait and I wait and yet I have no control over the decision makers. Sometimes it feels like others just enjoy pondering the mystery and really don't want to move forward. So I wait.

I now find that I am having to be creative in this waiting process. I am finding new ways to distract my attention from the decisions of others. I like things to be instant and logical. Sudoku has become my favorite pastime. It is logical, it is instant and I know immediately if the decisions I have made are correct. If I make the wrong decisions, I simply start again. If I make the right decisions, I celebrate the victory. Why can't life be that simple? Make decisions, live with the consequences and celebrate the victories. It sounds logical to me!

I'll wait to hear what you think.

Wayward Walking

Two weeks ago, we began a shared study on the Apostles. They really are an interesting bunch of characters when you begin to examine their lives. Over the centuries we have decided to put "Saint" in front of their name and I believe that by doing so, we have almost removed any chance of our being able to identify with them. Let's face it, they were ordinary people living ordinary lives until their world was turned upside down by a man named Jesus. They came from a variety of backgrounds ranging from professionals to fishermen. The only common thread was their willingness to follow and not all of them without asking a few questions before hitting the road. Soon after Jesus' death, they were called "followers of the way". The question that I have is, did they really know what way they were traveling?

Back in the 1980's, I used to love to listen to a radio program on financial planning. A local financial planner in the Norfolk/Virginia Beach area, Fritz Freeze (not sure of the spelling, because after all, he was on the radio), used to end his broadcast everyday with the statement: "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." I loved that quote! But I also wonder if the Apostles knew what road they were taking. Certainly they screwed up the message while they were still traveling with the earthly Jesus. The sons of Zebedee were ready to rain down fire on a bunch of folks, Peter was ready to defend Jesus with his life, and Nathanael, when introduced to Jesus uttered that classic line, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?"

They followed him, but did they know where they were going? Even in the last days of his ministry, as they were traveling to Jerusalem, all of the signs, the conversations, the teaching, and Jesus' demeanor pointed to a tragic end, but the Apostles didn't seem to know where they were going. These followers of "the way" didn't fully comprehend where they were being led. The road to Jerusalem is a treacherous journey. As you pass through the mountains, there are many hiding places for those who wish to do you harm. An injury could leave you out in the elements of a very harsh countryside and the possibility of being assisted by another traveler was not good. And yet they forged ahead simply because they trusted someone and knew they had to follow.

My life has been a lot like that! I could never have predicted the journey that I have taken. Certainly I didn't know that I would encounter the people I have met along the way. I haven't been aware of all of the dangers that I have passed until long after I left them in my dust. I don't know how this journey will end, but I do know where it will end. Ever since the day that I found myself confronted with the invitation to "Come and follow", I have been walking on. I haven't been down the many paths before that I am taking now, but I can assure you the one I am trying to follow knows the way. After all, he is the way.

Wayward tends to imply that the direction one is traveling has become misguided or lacks a clear destination. On the other hand, to follow "the way", to have your life headed toward "the way" is to be very clear on your destination and to be guided by the one who can help you arrive safely. You may not know the way, but if you know "the way", only one road will take you there. For the Apostles, the road led to Jerusalem, but it didn't stop there. That was only a rest stop along the road. Being followers of "the way" led them to many different cities, but ultimately to one final destination.

I kind of see the Apostles as a bunch of wayward misfits. They were walking through life searching and seeking something that they knew they lacked. Once they found him, being wayward took on new meaning. I like being a wayward walker - it keeps me focused on where I'm going!

Whines for Difficult Times

Within the last two years, I have become a fan of wine festivals. The laid back atmosphere and camaraderie is enticing. For a couple of dollars you are given the privilege of walking around a cow pasture with a glass in your hand for the better part of a day, trying to avoid bumping into someone crowding the wine tasting tables or stepping in something that the cows left behind. All the while a variety of bluegrass and folk musicians try to entertain you in between your sampling of cheeses and salsa dips. Those of you that have been to the wine festivals know exactly what I'm talking about.


But it's the people that really fascinate me. I've always had images in my mind of events I've never attended. Wine festivals, I thought, were for the economic uppercrust of our society. I pictured the genteel segment of society, with the men having their sweaters strategically placed over their shoulders and impeccibly tied around their neck. Their pinky fingers raised to just the right angle, so as to denote their proper training. What I found was a combination of bikers, wannabe cowboys, and leftovers from the sixties mixed in with of a few of the properly attired stepping out of their BMW's and Mercedes. It didn't matter where you came from or whom you knew, there was a common thread that was woven through fabric of diversity that transformed the patchwork into a thing of beauty. Even those that didn't care for wine became connoisseurs by the end of the day - or maybe it was just the fact that they had tasted so many wines that everything was appealing. A shared experience has a tendency to distract us from those things that divide us.


There is another festival that many others are sharing in today. I like to call it a "Whine" festival. Everyone has been impacted in one way or another by our recent economic woes. Everyone has an opinion on how we can find our way out. But more importantly, everyone is sharing the "whine" that is appropriately paired with the meal placed before us. For those that are dining on the red meat of the former bull market or even the red meat of the current bear market, I would suggest a hearty full bodied red whine. One of my favorites comes from the "Now I Can't Vacation in the Islands This Summer" Vineyards. On the other end of the spectrum we are serving a lighter vegetarian fare for all of the government employees who are dining on the pods of a cost of living increase without the protein of their merit increases. Might I suggest a fruity whine from the shores of the Potomac called "Even Though My Job is Secure, I Feel Really Bad for All of the Unemployed Folks" or possibly "Let's Just Tax the Wealthy" from the well known "Ain't Got A Job and Don't Want One" vineyards. The labels are attractive but I must warn you that they all have a bitter finish.

But actually I am partial to those that have chosen to abstain. Not that I am a big fan of prohibition, but I admire those that having grown up in a toxic environment of heavy consumers, have chosen the road less traveled. These are the "glass half-full" folks that see the positive in something that needs to be scraped off the bottom of their shoe. They're like the kid whose parents were so fed up with his "cheery" outlook they gave him a pile of manure for Christmas. He was ecstatic Christmas morning and immediately dove into the pile and began digging his way to the center. When his parents asked him what he was doing, he said "With all this manure, there's got to be a pony in here somewhere."

I have encountered those that having lost their jobs are responding by saying that now they have the opporutnity to pursue a different career path that they couldn't before because they were stuck in a rut and afraid to break free. Others have joined forces with persons in similar circumstances and support one another while they struggle their way forward. My favorites are those that, having retained their employment and their stability, are seeking ways to share their abundance with those that have lost everything. I don't know, I think I might give up the reds and the whites for a while and take a sip of the clear liquid for now. Maybe even from that well that never runs dry.


Bottoms up!

Wasting Time Is Easy

I finally decided to simplify my life. The electronic age has made everything so simple, so here I am trying to get on board. Keeping everything online obviously reduces my need to store things, especially in my mind. Only one problem, I can't remember my log-in information. Today I spent the better part of the morning sorting through stacks of papers trying to locate my scribbling from my original set-up. Online banking, online prescriptions, online sermon helps, and on and on and on. I actually locked two of my accounts and had to spend time on the telephone communicating with computers so that I could actually have a conversation with a live being, who then tested my memory! How am I supposed to remember all of those things like my "date of birth" and my "zip code"? That is why I wanted to use the computer in the first place, so that I could have all of those forms completed with the "form filler".

I'm sure you've heard of the terrible two's. Well, I am now in the terrible two's, the second half of my life where I am supposed to be old enough to do things right the first time, but too old to remember what it was I was supposed to do to begin with. Those young folks that answer the phone after I have spent half an hour punching in the numbers that direct me through a maze of questions, most of which I have to guess at the answer, I'm finding that they are so soft spoken. I know they are trying to be polite, but would it hurt for them to recognize after the third time I ask them to repeat something to speak with a little more volume and clarity. I mean I appreciate it when my wife uses that soft voice, because I never listen to her anyway, but when I'm trying to write down a new password on one of those slips of paper that I will probably lose within the next half hour, they can at least let me hear the difference between a "p" and a "t".

When I am having a conversation with my family, they all know that my conversations tend to drift a little, especially when I'm in restaurants. They have gotten used to me responding to questions with a smile and then changing the subject. I mean sure the doctor told me my hearing is impaired but that doesn't mean I can't fake it! So what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the Internet. What a marvelous invention! I will always have a special place in my heart for Al Gore. He probably would have won the election too if I could have remembered to wear my glasses so I wouldn't have left that hanging chad. I don't know why they can't just let us vote online. It would make the whole process so much easier and I wouldn't even have to be concerned about the weather. Just give everybody a pin number like the bank does and then I could log-in and vote. No having to punch cards or try to fill in the circle with a #2 pencil. Who has a #2 pencil with them now anyway? We are in the computer age aren't we? Let's get with the program.

I'm not sure I really understand this program for posting my ideas on a blog. I was afraid I was going to have to log in to write something and I couldn't remember my password. I know one thing though -- this computer has really been saving me a lot of time. Since I have started conducting all of my business online, I rarely find myself using my checkbook or driving to the pharmacy. I am glad that I have unlimited minutes on my cell phone though, because I am spending a lot of time talking with those nice, soft spoken folks with customer service these days.

Well, I guess I ought to stop writing for now. I need to call my bank and get them to reset my mobile banking pin one more time. Technology is great! I've spent all day saving time. I just wish I could remember what day it is. Maybe I'll check the online calendar. If anyone knows how to log-in, please send me an email with the instructions. My email address is -- oh never mind. I need to look it up and I don't remember where I wrote it down.